the last weekend.

I have so much that I could say under this simply heading. I'm gutted to leave. I'm frantic about finishing my dissertation away from here. in some ways I'm excited. but more than anything, there is simple disbelief.

in less than a year, I feel much more different about myself than I had ever imagined. isn't that amazing?

beauty

I was just telling flora about tara and damon's wedding and rethought about how wonderful sinéad's reading of dylan's 'wedding song.' it is simply beauty.



well done ms. gibney.

back from the isle o' green

the first/last time I was in ireland was for the marathon in october. while I cannot negate the amazing experience that I had in dublin at that time, my most recent/second trip to the island was different in a good way. after a bit of himming and hawing on my end (darn money) and some good support from sinéad and alice, I made it over for tara & damon's wedding. the event itself was brillant; all of the components went off well and everyone, even mr. gibney, had a wonderful time. there was so much love, joy, and warmth between the couple that the layering of the guests' affection for the couple as a unit and as individuals was nearly overwhelming at times. being that tara & damon surround themselves with good people, everyone got on smashingly and really had a great time. (a very broad, general statement, I realize, but not in this case. I do think that everyone at the soirée had a great time.) there could have been more dancing, in my opinion, but let's be honest, I always think there could be more dancing. (and really, why not?) it did help that I had a fantastic salsa partner and that it was salsa that we danced solely. note to self: salsa much more.

in addition to the ceremony, what really made my few days (though it seemed as if I had been about much longer) quite grand was getting to spend oodles of time with some of tara's best mates. sinéad and alice are quite lovely and generous. it's good that I have similar people in the states, otherwise I may be even more inclined to ship myself to ireland straight away. *and yes, there is now some inclination to find a reason to spend more time on the green isle.*

in addition to spending a good amount of time with some great people, this trip has given me a marker for thinking of myself as an individual and given me a bit of space to compare october me and july me. I can't say that I am unhappy retrospectively with october me. but let's be honest, july me is much closer to where I want to be in my life. it's good to know in a comforting sort of way that I continue to change. after all, who wants to be complacent and stagnant?

it's a good thing my family has little idea of where I live in london.

because honestly, if they did know, they might be a bit freaked out. I mean, not that there is any big terrorist alert or anything, but let's just to a count here. my tube, three small blocks away from my flat, was psuedo bombed yesterday, meaning that the area is cordoned off and there are westminster-armed police on my corner where my bus lets me off. this morning, on my way back in from a run, vauxhall station, a 10 minute walk from my flat, was cordoned off and people weren't allowed to use the above ground trains. after walking to camberwell to get a bus, as no buses to goldsmiths were coming from vauxhall, I learn that a man was shot dead at the stockwell tube, 10 minutes down clapham road, wearing a bomb belt.

reminder: I live in london. and not during the ira bombings, but now, clearly, in a new era of violence. mmm. to think what the people of iraq, israel, and palestine, let alone other places in turmoil in the world, go through on the daily basis makes this pale in comparison. but still, it is a bit unnerving to see armed policemen whenever I want to get anywhere.

oval

by the time most of you read this much more will be known about the three explosions on the tube and one bus explosion this afternoon. right now, all I know is that, while I'm not freaked out, I am a bit disturbed that one of these incidents happened at my tube stop. what has oval ever done to anyone? but I guess that is the ultimate question when it comes to anonymous violent acts.

am aiming to avoid any further news on the 'incidents,' the transport system and scotland yard's favorite word for these sort of acts, and attempt to write oodles on the d. oy vey.

passion

this entry comes after a week of thinking over my amazing experience in copenhagen and receiving a specific email.

I have had one of those life changing experiences when a person realizes that their life, well, has to change. for me, this is in large part due to this overwhelming feeling of freeness, comfort, and sensuality for life that was sparked last week. so that's it. I am going to live with passion. yes, there will be times when the engrained need to plan will seep into my life, I'm certain. but from here on out things are going to be different. the highs, the lows, I'm going to feel it all, allow it to be what it is, and not restrict myself to what I should do, who I should love, where I should be. this is my life and, as a wise man said to me recently, 'this isn't a dress rehearsal.'

it most certainly is not.

københavn

ah, wonderful, wonderful copenhagen. while I was only there for two short days and during the summer (I'm sure that my opinion is heavily colored by such), I heart copenhagen. the energy of the city is great: people are going somewhere, but they needn't be arsed to rush about or cross streets against the light (a bit like seattle). everyone cycles everywhere and the city infrastructure doesn't counter this, unlike london. the people are gorgeous; I did feel a bit like an ugly duckling at times. the parks, the museums, the outdoor cafes, the water. I know, scant details that really say nothing, but my time in copenhagen was brillant. granted, there was a bit of atypical jennifer petersen activity; I allowed myself to not control everything about every bit of each day. and the result was pleasant, nearly addictive. yes, I am speaking in vaguries, a bit for myself and a bit because I'm still sorting it all out.

oh, am I really leaving this corner of the world so quickly?

twenty-five years!

yesterday was a glorious, wonderful, sunshiney day. being one of the first real days of summer, I reveled in the glory of the sun and invited a gaggle of friends out to regent's park to celebrate. sadly, some people were not able to attend, but having such great people around me and chatting to a few of my friends in the states on the day really was quite perfect and just what a summer birthday girl could want. I really am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life, near and far.

quite sadly, the day was marked with a big black spot at the end: the theft of my wallet. honestly, the circumstances are beyond flora, paul, and myself, as we were all within two feet of my bag. gone are a slew of library cards, bank cards, and twenty quid. and as much as I may have whined last night (most of you know that unfortunate trademark of mine), I know that I am a blessed person and that sometimes not-so-great things happen to ordinary people like me.

the last several days have been a bit of a whirlwind, as my dissertation has been severely neglected, as I regather my thoughts on extermist violence and doing my bit to 'not let the terrorists win,' and touring paul about this new/soon-to-be old city of mine. going about and showing off little bits (okay, not so little some time) of londres will help me say goodbye to this city in the next few weeks, as they are certain to fly by. I will be copenhagen for two days this week, working on my dissertation and seeing lots of friends here and there, flying off to ireland for a weekend for tara & damon's wedding, and then spending a bit of time with my aunt, uncle, and two cousins at the end of july. to think that my london time is rapidly coming to an end is overwhelming. so I overwhelm myself with everything else. it makes sense, right?

quite excited for copenhagen and looking forward to getting into some sort of groove balancing my social butterflyness and academic interests. but more so, basking in the warmth of my wonderful, wonderful friends. (you can underline, bold, highlight, and add an exclamation point to that statement.)

safe in london.

all,

below is an email that I sent out to those that have sent emails/left vmails to check in on me. as I am at the end of a long day, I am certain that there will be others interested in my well-being. I wanted to post this message to alay the worries of anyone who might be concerned.

loves,

j.

dearest friends and family,

writing to you now, over twelve hours after all of this all began, I must say that my initial reactions of shock, horror, and disbelief are much different than my more subdued and drained, as I suppose is to be expected after such a day. in writing this, you see that I am fine and safe. thank you for ringing (or attempting to do so SO many times; I know that the networks here have been flooded and have blocked most all personal calls from reaching my mobile) or mailing to check in and make sure that I am okay. it means a great deal to me to know that, no matter how far away I am from you all physically, we are not that far away in spirit.

as I am nearing the end of a long day, I will be brief in describing my experience. unfortunately, there is a bit of mental scarring that has occurred, but I'll get to that soon. first off, I learned of the news of explosions in two of the tube stations (liverpool st. and aldgate) that were due to 'power surges' on the underground system while I was in the gym riding the bike. as there was no volume for the news, I could only see the images and read the headlines. eventually, there were the announcements of an explosion at edgeware, a station on the other side of the city. there were reports of other explosions, still explained as power surges, at several other stations, one of them being quite close to the university of london's gym, which is located at russell square. seeing all of these going on and not yet knowing that this was a terrorist bombing situation, I had some thought that if anyone in the states heard about explosions on the tube that they would be concerned for me. but as I rarely take the tube, I knew that my friends in london wouldn't be worried, as I am a bus girl through and through. in the midst of doing extra time on the bike, the announcement of a bus explosion at tavistock square, a route that I take at least 14 times a week, I began to get freaked out, knowing that my friends here would be worried. I also began to get a bit of 'if I had left earlier' or 'if I had done this differently this morning' going on in my head.

after leaving the gym, the air was filled with sirens and the area was being evacuated. even with this sense of fear in the air, everyone was quite calm and followed directions to stay inside. there was no running about, screaming, and crying. it was a bit odd for me to feel a part of this in some way, stranded in central london with these thoughts of 'it could be me' but being rational enough to know and appreciate that it wasn't and that I am safe.

to end, after walking about for a couple of hours (in the rain, unable to get a cab, thank you london), I made it to my friend kate's flat, where I will be staying tonight. tomorrow, I will figure out getting home, as reports say that all buses will be operating as usual (though I doubt that my bus route, where the bus exploded, will be traveling past tavistock) and most of the tube network will be functioning.

this wasn't as short as I thought it would be, but then again, this day is nothing like I had imagined when I woke up and began about my daily routine. thank you again for being such wonderful friends and for your concern. please pass this along to anyone that may not receive this, as I simply don't have the energy to sort through emails at this moment.

my love to each of you.

j.

homi bhabha, you must die.

before anyone gets completely freaked out, the homi bhabha to which I am referring is my six-year-old gateway laptop, not the brillant poco professor who now teaches at harvard. no, no, I revere that homi k. bhabha. but unfortunately, the hkb that sits in a bag at my feet is near its own death, which will likely be brought on by me.

yet again, homi bhabha has failed me. not only have I treated said computer well over the last several years, but I even gave it a break between 2002 and 2004. now, in 2005, as I meticulously plan each day around the writing of one particular paper (ie when I can work out, when I can socialize, when I'll be at which library/cafe, et cetera), the bastard fails me. yet again, my friends, the screen fails to turn on 40 percent of the time, which is just often enough for me to believe that my trips to the british library, and other such locations nowhere near my flat, will not be in vain. that I will be able to sit in a quiet, or relatively quiet space, depending on the time of day (after all, afternoon tea in starbucks isn't exactly 'quiet,' no matter how fussy the brits can be), and write a ditty or two on genocide and photography.

but no, not today. today, after working for a hour in senate house library and lunch with harry, homi bhabha's screen fails to light up in the way that it should. the way that it did light up: vertical stripes of pink & grey. well listen hkb, I heart vassar as much as the next graduate, but get over it and start showing me some windows!

honestly, I know that I sound like a ranting maniac by one, referring to my computer as a person and two, actually putting this scattered inner dialogue online for my friends to read/speculate on my sanity. but so be it people. this has happened one too many times. as much as I'll do to work around the frentic working/nonworking schedule of my computer in the next couple of weeks, I hearby declare the death of my computer upon my return to the states. there will be some sadness in saying goodbye to ol' hkb, but f* it. I can no longer plan in computer failures into my dissertation schedule anymore.

and that, for the most part, has been my day. oy.

another october, another marathon

after being a spectator for the london marathon, I knew that I had no choice in running another marathon. so, here I am, in the middle of my training program to get ready for chicago, which is on october 9, fyi. I've been feeling super great in my training runs and, though I've been training on my own for the most part, am really enjoying the whole process.

now, if I'm going to run another marathon, I couldn't not help raise money for some cause yet again. so, for the third year running (excuse the unintentional bad pun), I am raising money for the AIDS Foundation of Chicago. so, the charity push:

please, please, please give whatever you can to my effort to raise $1,000 for the AFC by visiting http://www.aidsmarathon.com/participant.asp?runner=CH-1776&EventCode=CH05 and give what you can! every dollar counts!

for further info, feel free to message me.

re: other bits and bobs, I have plenty to say about this past weekend. unfortunately, I have much to say in my dissertation and little time, so off to that I go. hope that this finds you all well.