wellie-riffic

although this weekend was lovely and even a bit warm (likely the last remnants until spring comes about), it has been nothing but rain, rain, rain for most of this last week. as I walked back from my coffee shop tonight, with my adorable wellies on my feet, I was thrilled to splash about and venture into the puddles along the curbsides. cold rain = lovely? yes, well, tonight it does. and with that, I must mail ms. murphy, my gorgeous flatmate who I have neglected for too long.

and now, on with the rain...

not completely angst ridden

before you all begin to worry about my state of being, before you begin to think that I have become consumed by some sort angst that will prompt me to write really bad indie rock songs...

today was wicked cool for several reasons: really nice interactions with common strangers, a chat with my flora in budapest that made me realize how much I miss her/my other london-associated friends/abstract thinking and such, lots of sweating time in the gym, and a wonderful story about my nephew issac going to school in his dragon costume. high up on the list of the day's events was meeting the bassist of my favorite chicago group when kathryn and I went to get lunch. really, it was SO cool. totally. (yes tara, I know...I'm such an american.) rob of the changes (the-changes.com) was wicked nice and was cool about my compliments and inquiries.

and now it's back to the gre studying and waiting for amanda to come over for a bit of a sleepover.

textures to life

textured sky
Originally uploaded by jlpetersen.

there are many things that I have to say, many things that I have thought about over the last several weeks. I'm not sure that they will all be put down here and now, so excuse any extreme convolutedness of thought.

often when I tell people that I am interested in studying genocide, that 'it's my thing,' if you will, they are completely put off by it. they find it weird. and yes, perhaps it is weird to be gripped by such a topic. while there are several other facets to my interest in this topic, one of the most poignant is how (specifically in the case of rwanda, but not exclusively) an individual who knew another person intimately (neighbors, family members, community leaders) could do something like pick up a machete and kill the other person. the question of how the individual dissociates themself from the relationship that he/she has with the other person enough to see them as a non-human, as something to be eliminated...that is what truly fascinates me.

there is something of this fascination lingering about my thoughts of a person that used to be...well, used to be is about all I can say about it because there were many things that he used to be. this perspective is not meant to say that anything even remotely similar to some mass slaughter has occurred. rather, I'm trying (somewhat clumsily) to talk about the remoteness of this person now. not that I am looking for any sort of reconnection. just a bit of common courtesy. but I'm coming to recognize that that concept may not be as universally held as I had once thought.

so the point of all of this ruminating? I guess it's just a bit of my marveling of how a person can go from being one thing to another within a year's time. and as much as I didn't think it would hurt to make this realization, well, it does smart. I thought that when I made some decision for myself to stop entertaining ideas of any return to an 'us'ness, something that happened long ago, that I would be detached from any of the sadness that I once had.

now, I'm saying too much and not really saying anything at all. the short of it: it will always be difficult when you realize that someone that you once loved, someone that in some way will always affect you, cannot regard you with some sort of courtesy. maybe that's more than they can give. but it still stings.

those are the textures that I'm thinking about. it certainly is an 'interesting' process, if i can use the most undescriptive adjective that there is.

post-marathon smiles

a wonderful day with wonderful friends
Originally uploaded by jlpetersen.

with abby in chicago again this weekend (I swear the girl nearly lives here), I was able to pull some photos from marathon weekend from her. just one of those photographs... it's a good thing when you can smile after running 26.2 miles. it's even better when you can do so in the chicago sunshine with some amazing people who happen to be your friends.

again, that really was a grand weekend.

good things

as confused as I am about some things, my brekkie of toast with pumpkin butter and a cup of coffee from intelligentsia sensorially remind me that there are always good things about. and that makes me happy.

'things are the way we always thought they would be.'

it was this statement (in my dream) that abruptly shook me out of my slumber this morning. I have been having these sort of dreams lately, dreams that severely clash with reality, and I don't know why. I don't know how much longer I can have them.

how do you stop having dreams?

song that best sensorially depicts how I'm feeling right now - 'lua' not for the lyrics, just the sound.

the approach of autumn

today is my friend kate's 27th birthday, the culmination of roctober. (kate is of the belief that one should celebrate their birthday for the entirety of their birthday month. maybe it's a bit, but I do have to say that extending my birthday somewhat this summer was quite enjoyable.) while I have yet to actually speak to her yet, I am thinking of a comment that she made on friday during a quick phone conversation. the comment was something about being upset with her approaching day as she doesn't feel that she is where she wanted to be at this point in her life.

now, this is not to analyze kate's thoughts on her 27th year (I personally think ms. nolan is at a wonderful point in life), but merely to draw from it in thinking about myself. really, kate's birthday prompts me to think about where I was last year and where I thought I would be today. likely my expectations for where I thought I would be now, october 17, 2005, were foundless. perhaps having such expectations only helped to bring about their self-destruction. and while this time last year was difficult for me in some ways, I must remember that, in many ways, I continue to live the life of then. of knowing that there are great things beyond today and that it is in fact a wonderful thing to not know what those are. so, perhaps my bemoaning reflection is irrelevant. though I'm not where I thought I would be, it's not such a bad space. and who knows, maybe I'll come 'round to the space that I had once expected. I guess that's the beauty of it all.

the 'thon and other bits from indigenous people's day weekend

one: I had forgotten about the san franciscaness of sfo until jenny noted that this monday was also referred to as indigenous people's day. interesting how those bits that were once so a part of my language were neglected.

two: the weekend. the focus of the weekend was the marathon, which is not all that surprising considering the amount of time that has been spent preparing for the race. bolstering the significance of this event was the presence of ms. jenny lee and ms. abby conover, who came from their respective parts of the states to support me throughout the weekend. all in all, the weekend was grand, magnificent, and brillant. it was even more than that, but a plethora of adjectives wouldn't be able to describe it any better.

abs came in on friday evening and after some yummy thai, we went to see mando diao play empty bottle. things to note of the evening: one, should have brought earplugs to prevent the ringing that came as a result of watching three very loud acts while standing near the stage and two, the members of mando diao only show how insignificant our mottled american genes are. abby and I both agreed that they are genetically superior to us, hands down. damn. (http://www.mando-diao.com/en/; audrey would most definitely love the lead singer.) going to the show may not have been the best immediate marathon prep move on my part, as I'm supposed to get a good night's sleep two nights before in case the night before is a wash, but the show was SO much fun that I wasn't at all worried as abs and I snuggled into bed for a couple of hours. in the early, early hours, we walked to the damen stop (me in my green bathrobe) to meet & greet ms. lee. after a bit more sleep, my going to the marathon expo to pick up my running chip, grocerying at trader joe's, a bit of napping, nadia (a friend from goldsmiths who came in to run the 'thon) and several of her friends from undergraduate, along with amanda and some of her friends from cali (yes, the weekend was full of guests for everyone!), came to the flat for pasta. after that big carb intake and some pre-marathon prep from the girls, I slept for a bit of time.

I'll not go into all of the details of marathon day, but the long and short of it was that it was grand. honestly, I had such a high from the day. though I was a tidge late getting to the park (darn el), this slight change to my schedule to throw me off. I ran most of the race with gian mario (one of my friends that I ran with in 2003) and some of the other aids marathon people and felt great the entire time. we ran a consistent 10:00 min/mile pace for most of the race. I unfortunately was seperated from the group around mile 18, partly due to my speeding throw the water station and partly due to some people not feeling so good. after a couple of cramps in my quads around mile 21, I slowed down a bit. luckily, there were bits of banana being handed out just along the way, which I could feel kick in around mile 23. g.m. and I caught back up with each other at mile 24. as he wasn't feeling too great, we took the last couple of miles a bit slower, which was great because we both came in strong. though I think that I could have ran the race a bit faster, I am super happy with my time: 4:37:38, which is my best yet and 18 minutes better than my dublin time. woo! as my training has been a bit off since my return to the states (with work, injuries, and other nonsense), I was a bit worried that I wouldn't feel so great. but eee gads, I felt amazing and am totally pumped for my next marathon. (jenny and I are talking about paris or stockholm in 2006. anyone interested?) really, I could go on and on, but the day was wonderful. I saw several friends along the course, I took in the city and people around me, and I truly enjoyed myself. god, it was awesome.

after the congratulations and sweaty hugs, oh, and a glass of beer (so good!), the girls and I headed home for some snacking, some 'sex and the city,' and more snuggling and napping. and then it was off to boys' town to celebrate. as I took indigenous people's day off, we took our time getting out of the flat and wandered about the city. after the day, some deep dish, and lots of music swapping, I had to leave my girls on tuesday morning to go back to work. it was more sad than not, but, as my grammy reminded me, it is quite wonderful to have had the weekend with my friends. as jenny noted, this is the great kind of friendship where you can go months (or even a year!) without talking and still come together and just be comfortable as if no time has passed. I really have amazing friends.

so, with all of that blathering, I'm going to sign off. granted, there are more bits and bobs that could be written of, but really, I should get on with the day. besides, there are still photos to be posted, which will help in narrating the weekend.

ps huge congratulations to mr. p. brett conforth, my london running buddy, who ran the cardiff marathon on october 9th in ridiculous fashion: 3:05:56. here's to training along the thames! well done my friend! what a f*n rockstar.

chicago, the night, the marathon, et cetera

the chicago night
Originally uploaded by jlpetersen.

while there are many other components of the week, my focus is primarily on sunday, aka marathon day. even thinking of the day, a day that is full of emotion, injects a bit of adrenaline into my veins. waking at 4:30, putting on the attire that I will have laid out so carefully the night before, meeting my marathon friends in the chilly morning, standing as part of a crowd of 40,000 runners, tromping up and down the streets of chicago, tromping up and down the rollercoaster that is inevitable for the day. so many days, so many miles have gone into preparing for this sunday. not to be dramatic about this. I have grown to be addicted in some way to the whole event of the marathon: traveling miles about a city, seeing it in a completely different way with all of the sights, sounds, and bodily sensations that are offered marathon runners.

so, yes, the marathon is a key point of the week. but there are many other bits, like abby and jenny coming to chicago, molly's leaving of 222 w. ontario, and raven's 14th birthday. while there are times that I think that there is little to my time in chicago, this is in no way true. how is it that I forget about the fullness of my life? there are enough physical reminders of the overabundance of people and important things. it's funny how you those get edged out of the way sometimes.

this entry has gone on a bit longer than I had planned. the whole point of blogging this photograph was to talk a bit about this great feeling that I had last night running north towards downtown along the lakefront. but alas, I have gone on many a tangent already. so now, after a bit of catching up on some tasks, it will be time for bed. la la salama.