Saturday, December 31, 2005

oh, 2005...

another year is drawing to an end. while I have much to say about this year, which will all likely come about in the next few days, once the girls have left :( and some semblance of my life has come back 'round, I do have one quick reflection.

shay asked aud and I what we would remember about 2005. for me, this year has (seemingly more than other years but maybe not) been one of a great amount of growth for me in many areas of my life: in how I understand myself as a part of a relationship (and being out of one), how I understand myself in terms of my family (and without them), and how I understand myself as an aspiring academic.

with that all said, I must run about and get ready for the evening's celebrations. a happy new year to all and insightful reflections on 2005.

Friday, December 30, 2005

being home


the petersen girls
Originally uploaded by jlpetersen.

I always have a lot to say about going home. issues of where I feel my 'home' really is, the messiness of my family and our situation and how this is only exacerbated during this holiday season that is all about 'joy,' 'peace,' 'giving,' and the chaotic yet slow pace of life that I just can't always sync up to. nevertheless, as I did not spend the winter holidays with my family in 2004 for the first time, coming home was, in some way, something that I appreciated a bit more.

between the holidays

eee gads.

it's been ages and I've written not one thing. (yes, I realize such a statement is a wee bit dramatic.) there is much to say about all that's gone on in the last couple of weeks: a trip back to iowa for the christmas holiday, lots of busy-ness at work and decisions to be made, the completion (well, almost) of the last two ph.d. applications, preparing for audrey and sheila's visit for the nye holiday. now that I list it all as such, it doesn't really seem as if I've been up to all that much. I guess adding in all of the socializing and whatnot would beef up my calendar to the chaotic pace at which it currently is. honestly, I know that I'm not 'important' in a prestigious sort of way and that many things that I need/want to do could be done by me, but lately, I just haven't had the time. and here, I'll restate something I said at least three times yesterday: I need a personal assistant. again, a statement that isn't really all that true (I mean for god's sake, I don't have children, I am not singularly responsible for some gigantic effort, I'm not a complete scatterbrain), but there are many more things for me to be doing than what I have accomplished as of late.

so, with the buildup to the new year, I am committing myself to making my life less difficult for myself, i.e. I will be more frank and open with certain people so as to shift some responsibility their way. this isn't a resolution per se but more so something that I would like to do more consistently for myself to alleviate the inner stress and anxiety that I too often allow myself to bear. (note: I realize that this definition of what this aim is does seem to bring it into the resolution category. but for me, it's somehow different.)

and with that all written and a sigh of relief in finally posting, I'm off to bed. audrey is already asleep and I would like to sleep for a bit before finally going to the gym in the morning. I am in need of a nice, long run to sort me out.

hope that this finds my friends and family well and happy with their experiences of 2005. it certainly has been quite a year. (I'll do my own little review later.)

oh, and ps, the following a some interesting articles that I browsed recently...


indie rock label success...well, yeah...

the great progressiveness of the u.k.; well done lads!

Monday, December 19, 2005

hot priests

I'm face biting off of marci's blog in the spirit of publicizing something that I know ms. amy schier is connected to. in some way, shape, or form, the diva has to know at least a handful of these roman priests.

http://www.calendarioromano.co.uk/


god willing my sister is never featured in some 'hot pastor' calendar. but you know, I wouldn't be surprised.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

ah, today...

three hours of sleep
nearly a hourlong phone conversation with lo (in the early, early morning hours)
1.5 hours of gym
four applications submitted
one really good birthday conversation with my gram
one bagel, egg, & cheese with tomato
one chai tea latte
lots of wonderful snowglobe snow

even with the bits of angst about work, it's going to be a grand day.

four in, three to go

while there is one minor glitch in one of the applications that is due today, I've just submitted three program applications. hopefully I can frantically rush around to amend the minor glitch to solve the issue at hand. that all being said, there is one application due for monday (which will likely be done tomorrow night) and then two due by the end of the month.

it's a bit anti-climatic and surreal to click on the 'submit' button on these applications. that's it?

off to the gym...5:30am and I'm wide awake. should prove interesting for tonight's holiday fete.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

chai, shot of espresso, and the applications

just home for a bit of dinner and a good amount of application work. I'd like to be a bit more fun/creativity/witty right now, but my eyes are worn from the day.

on to caffeinating, on to the apps...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

weary memories I can always see


congress theatre
Originally uploaded by jlpetersen.

confronting
realizing
reclaiming
reassuring

breathing
being

Thursday, December 08, 2005

after a long weekend


after a long weekend
Originally uploaded by jlpetersen.

a bit blurry and way too orange...nevertheless, a good photo for what it captures: friendship.

cherub in a lamppost


cherub in a lamppost
Originally uploaded by jlpetersen.

one of the many photographs that I took on sunday while walking about d.c. I have so much to say about this image. the main bit is that I'm happy that I kept my eyes open and just looked to discover the details in objects. or, maybe along the lines of baudrillard and duchamp, these details made themselves discoverable to me. (have I read too much photography theory in the last several months?)

people, I need a snow song and fast!

the most gorgeous, minute flakes of snow are rapidly falling in chicago. soon enough I'll be sipping on a chai (with a shot of espresso) and sneak glances at the snowglobe scene outside of my office window. now all I need is a really good snowglobe snow song. suggestions? the only one that is fixed in my head is the charlie brown christmas song. (see http://wilstar.com/xmas/cbxmas.htm; brillant!)

Sunday, December 04, 2005

a kindred spirit

perhaps I feel a bit of a connection to the man featured in this article because he is photographing the details of buildings (something that I became a bit obsessed with while I was away), perhaps because he has never stopped to evolve, perhaps because his current career is something of a passion. whatever it is, this article struck me.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/04/arts/design/04pogr.html?adxnnl=1&8hpib=&adxnnlx=1133705242-5vCmz1Y+5pMGB3UVmXCN7A

December 4, 2005
Architecture
In Search of the Venus of 37th and Madison

By ROBIN POGREBIN

JOHN YANG doesn't make a searing physical impression. Dressed in a button-down flannel shirt and khaki pants, his glasses dangling on a string around his neck, he looks more like a New England professor than an intrepid New York photographer. If you spotted him pointing his Leica at the carved faces on the facades of Manhattan's tenements and row houses, you probably wouldn't break your stride.

And while he majored in philosophy half a century ago at Harvard, he insists that the big thoughts should be left to great thinkers. But clearly Mr. Yang has a few of his own.

To him, the evocative heads and decorative pediments he spent three years recording on the streets of Manhattan speak volumes about a turbulent era in the city's history. His mission is less to save them than to capture them, in all their eerie eccentricity.

"It wasn't because I wanted to document these things before they all disappeared, or anything like that," Mr. Yang, 72, said during a recent rainy-day interview at his studio in a brownstone in Midtown Manhattan. "It had to do with the wonderful things they were - and in some ways they were so wonderful because they were ephemeral."

"You can make your comments about preservation, change, time, memory, who the craftsmen were, who made these - immigrants from Northern Europe and the British Isles at the turn of the century in New York," he said. "And then you can talk about the portraits themselves - the expressiveness of the portraits - and to me, this was primary, this is why I took them."

The photographs, shot between 1990 and 1993, are now having their first formal exhibition, a show at Urban Center Galleries titled "Over the Door: Stone Faces From a Disquieting Age," organized by Mr. Yang and the Municipal Art Society, which oversees the gallery. The exhibition dovetails with the society's walking tours around the city, which focus on architectural details.

But Elizabeth Werbe, the society's coordinator of programs and exhibitions, said she viewed the photographs as more than mere illustrations. "These really are portraits," she said. "Whether they're mythological characters or animals or cherubs, they all seem to have a lot of personality."

It was that sense of human emotion - suspicion, hostility, humor, stoicism - that led Mr. Yang to spend three years documenting those ornaments. (Until 1990 he had mainly photographed panoramic views of gardens and golf courses, pictures that were shown in the late 1980's at the Marcuse Pfeifer Gallery in Manhattan.)

It was the first time Mr. Yang had turned to New York itself for material, though he has lived there since 1939, after growing up in China and a brief sojourn in England.

Roving the city with his 35-millimeter Leica in search of a theme, he found his attention drawn to a head with flowing hair and an open mouth. The face was on the keystone of the arch over the front doors of an apartment building on Manhattan Avenue uptown near Central Park. He was struck by "how you could just read expressions, although they were just marks on stone."

After that, he scoured Manhattan to seek out heads, busts and faces in bold relief. Exploring different neighborhoods, "I systematically went through the streets," he said. "I chose one area and then I just covered it." He kept a crude scribbled map to record his travels - April 1991, Greenwich Village; May and June 1991, the Lower East Side; July to September 1991, Hell's Kitchen; May and June 1992, Harlem.

Often his frame was interrupted by obstructions - a lamppost, a leafless branch - which Mr. Yang sought to incorporate rather than work around. To capture his landscape photographs, he slowly revolved with his panoramic camera. For the stonework, he took the faces full on, looking up at them from below.

The heads, dating from the 1840's to around 1900, are made of sandstone, which was soft and workable straight from the quarries of Connecticut, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and New York, Mr. Yang said. He included some of this history in "Over the Door: The Ornamental Stonework of New York," a book published by Princeton Architectural Press in 1995.

"This is a very personal selection of faces - and reliefs, from tenements to decorative architectural embellishments - that I found interesting," Mr. Yang said. "But primarily the faces - the stone faces."

They are faces of distress, contemplation, anguish, disgust, surprise. He didn't try to capture every one he saw, only those that intrigued him, that moved him, that had been through something.

"I think I wouldn't have been interested in taking them if things hadn't happened to them," Mr. Yang said. Like the face on which years of accumulated salt residue had left a pattern, the face with a repaired eye, or another with a new painted mustache. "So you have this element of people adding their own contribution to what's there," he said.

In the appendix of his book, Mr. Yang quotes among others John Ruskin, who wrote in 1880: "The greatest glory of a building is not in its stones, nor in its gold. Its glory is in its Age, and in that deep sense of voicefulness, of stern watching, of mysterious sympathy, nay, even of approval or condemnation, which we feel in walls that have long been washed by the passing waves of humanity."

For Mr. Yang, the subtle gradations of human emotion are conveyed mainly through the sculptures' eyes. Some are ornate - for example, represented as a swirl - and others almost completely obliterated. Some bulge in an alien way. Although they are made of stone, "they have great depth," he explained.

He pointed out a photograph of a bearded man in a Viking helmet from a building on West 83rd Street. "There's a melancholy in that one," he said, "Certainly the downcast eyes." In another, a face from Madison Street, on the Lower East Side, he remarked on the "haughtiness and a little surprise."

He was never interested in the terra cotta figures used in commercial buildings, Mr. Yang said, because they were generally cast in replicable forms. So he stuck mainly with sandstone, and the occasional pediment, typically made of pressed sheet metal, that topped entryways. "I found these just fascinating," Mr. Yang said. "The inventiveness and the imagination."

Born in Suchow, China, the son of a doctor, he left the country with his family in 1937, and spent two years in London before arriving in New York. He spent the summer after his freshman year at Harvard studying with the renowned photographer Minor White at the California School of Fine Arts in San Francisco - now the San Francisco Art Institute - and earned an architecture degree at the University of Pennsylvania in 1957.

Mr. Yang bought his first camera while serving in the Army in Germany and remained in Europe to take photographs after his discharge. Back in New York, he took up architecture, eventually becoming a partner in a firm that designed public housing and institutions like a United States embassy, schools and correctional institutions. He always photographed the buildings he designed, and pursued photography in his spare time. In 1978, he retired as an architect to devote himself to photography.

After wrapping up the series of stone faces, Mr. Yang worked from 1994 to 1998 compiling "sepulchral portraits" in Mount Zion, the Orthodox Jewish cemetery in Maspeth, Queens - miniature portraits that were once placed on many of the cemetery's tombstones. Since 2001, he has been photographing John Boyd Thacher State Park, a prominent ridge southwest of Albany that includes the Indian Ladder Trail, which once connected the Mohawk Valley to the highlands above.

During his stone-face period, Mr. Yang would return now and then to reshoot some of the faces, and to see how they were doing - in a sense, to visit old acquaintances. But he said he never grew overly attached to a specific ornament, or felt compelled to influence its fate.

"Some of them will be different, and some of them you may be interested in photographing again, and some of them you may not," he said. And someday, "your subject won't be there anymore."

Saturday, December 03, 2005

people of my life

the only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything at
the same time, the ones who never yawn or
say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn,
burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles
exploding like spiders across the stars...

-j. kerouac

Friday, December 02, 2005

d.c. and thoughts of last year

I'm in d.c. for the weekend seeing one lauren sakae, one of those brillant people that I met during my time at the vass. while this trip had been planned for the last few weeks, it became even more timely when her boyfriend broke up with her unexpectedly this week. so, in addition to just being here, I'm doing my best to help her get through all of this initial pain, shock, grief, disbelief with lack of explanations that come with going from an 'us' to a 'me' so suddenly.

at some point this afternoon, as we talked, I heard my own voice in lauren's words; a voice from last december which became oh so vibrant with lauren's outpouring of pain. while I had not completely forgotten how brillantly a breakup can disrupt your conceptualization of how things would be, I was reminded in these resounding pronouncements coming out of my best friend's mouth. it's been nearly a year since pke broke up with me, a year since I thought that my shattered sense of my heart would never recover. and while I may not have done the best in dealing with it all at some points, I think I'm at a good space with the good and the bad of my time in that relationship. I know that I've become more cautious, more questioning of those who could possibly be close to me. I don't know if this is a good or bad. should you take your past with you and develop tools to protect yourself from similar situations in the future or do you give everyone the clean slate without changing your approach to being in a relationship? I'd like to say something about having to do whatever is best for yourself, as that is the only person that we have any control over. but I know that, in reality, that is not how we behave. nevertheless, it is something that I remind myself of often and, in someway, makes me feel better.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

be aware. be active.

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