another week in rwanda, another week of work?

a friday morning and I need to be doing something. what is it that I am to do? I find these moments to be the most difficult to get my thoughts sorted, to figure out what it is that I am to be doing. I need to go to places, I need to talk to people and sometimes this doesn't seem to be a problem. other times, this is the most difficult for me to do.

this week, I went to butare on tuesday and wednesday. I went to go to several memorial sites near the city; I ended up going to only one site but going to a gacaca trial. as many of you do not know, gacaca (pronounced ga-cha-cha) is a kinyarwanda word that means 'grass court,' a traditional form of sorting out disputes within a community, when village elders would come together along with members of the community to resolve conflicts between two parties. (this is, obviously, a very brief description of this institution. a more detailed explanation/critique can be found online; on such site is web.amnesty.org/library/index/engafr470072002) gacaca has been used since 2006 nationwide in rwanda (after an initial trial basis in a few communities) to help alleviate the backup of prisoners in rwanda. many people have been in prison since the genocide and have yet to have their cases heard. gacaca is also to serve as a tool of reconciliation within the community, as people who are accused of participating in the genocide are questioned in front of the other members of their village and the gacaca judges are able to draw from the community to provide greater insight into what actually happened during the killings. this sort of set up (with elected elders and village participation) is to help provide a true understanding of genocidal events and individual participation in these events, as well as provide some justice. if someone comes forth as participating in the genocide and is found to tell the truth of what they did, he/she must participate in some form of community service in order to heal the wounds that they inflicted on those around them. gacaca can also implement jail sentences on people who do not tell the truth of their participation in the genocide. there are many different critiques of the use of gacaca, who is tried, if this is a useful form of reconciliation, and who it serves. from my small experience on wednesday, it is an intense experience for the community and those on trial. the gacaca that I attended on wednesday lasted from 9:00am to 4:30pm, with both women who were tried sentenced to six months in jail and ordered to return to gacaca every two weeks. (I don't know if this was to have their cases further heard or if it is encourage their participation in the reconcilation process.)

I know that this sounds like I have been doing things, so that my first statement seems invalid. but really, what am I doing right now? going to send some emails and make some phone calls. get the ball rolling, if I can just roll on with it...

the nyt, memorial sites, and a new week

first, the nyt: it has been several weeks since I have read any new york times articles, something that is a regular habit of mine. finding a free laptop in the house available (and having the luxury of wireless internet), I was able to read a couple of articles, one on how eldest children have higher iqs (and no sisters, I don't write this to irk you!) and the other about craftsters in brooklyn. ah...such joy from reading those few bits.

two, genocide memorial sites: this last week has been busy with visiting different sites around the country (as well as moving into a new house). I went to the memorial in gisozi (in kigali), two in/near nyanza (just near kigali), ntarama and nyamata (both south of kigali approx. 30km), and murambi (3km from gikongoro). I know that these names don't mean anything to most of you, but I list them so that you might be able to google them and get a better idea of where it is I am going exactly. posting photos seems to be a slow process, but I will post some at some point. some may be very disturbing (as they should be, I suppose); I felt awkward taking several of them. the feeling of being at some of these places has been a bit overwhelming for me, as actually seeing the skulls and bones of the victims makes all of the reading that I've done on the genocide, well, very real. I know that that statement doesn't make much sense, but these are my initial reactions to the sites.

today is monday morning, which means a whole new week of doing things here. I had thought that I would spend a good deal of time preparing yesterday, after running out to a village to tell several people that had helped me during my afternoon there that the photos that I was going to deliver to them had yet to be printed. however, that trip turned into a longer afternoon, as I met up with a friend/research aid (the distinction in the relationship is difficult to read) and ran into a demonstration (peaceful) of students not wanting genocide again. this was just an amazing site; all of universities and secondary schools in kigali had participated in order to signal that they don't want another genocide. (something of a sign to any past perpetrators outside of the country who may want to return and employ violent means...this is what I was told.) anyway, going to the stadium where the students had gathered and recording a few of the speeches that were given, and then discussing them afterwards, took much more time than I had thought. I have several errands to get permits from the government to do research, so I might as well do these things and then take some time to prepare for my trip to butare. butare is the main university city, approximately three hours south of kigali. I hope to go to more genocide sites in the area and speak with some people at the university in my two days there. so, today is some prep and thinking about what I need to get done there.

sorry that this is a bit of a rambled mess. it's been some time since I've posted, so everything is sort of congealed in my head.

a low sort of day.

this is the first day since arriving to kigali that I've felt, well, very little. no motivation, no drive, nearly apathy. and I don't deal well with apathy. perhaps its the aftereffects of larium or the sunburn that I acquired yesterday or the fatigue of responding to 'mizungu.' nevertheless, I barely got out of bed to go to the bank and get money for my new accommodations, into which I'll move tomorrow. hopefully moving into this house, which has a slew of american girls all working on various public health projects, will help me feel less disconnected from my life aux etats-unis. it's only been a week. I'll be fine, but I do hate these low spaces of life.

on a much brighter note: I've just noted that saturday was an even bigger day than I had thought. not only did dev and rachel get married, molly and jack get married, nickie graduated from kellogg with her m.b.a., but my sister annie had her baby. lucian alexander. I'm looking forward to photos....hint, hint.

the sun sets very early in kigali

one thing that I love about summer in the u.s. is that the days are so long. that is not the case in kigali, where the sun is full on set, gone from the sky, at 6:30p. while kigali is safe and not all that threatening (though the mizungu stare can be tiring), it feels more intimidating when the sun is gone. therefore, I eat dinner around 6:00p each night, so that I don't walk to and from the internet cafe all that late. that will all change very soon, as I just received word that I am able to move into a NGO house (to which I am connected through mct's brother-in-law). this move has many advantages: a community of people to live amongst, meals prepared (esp. since I've only been eating twice a day, though I guess that's not all that bad), wireless internet access, close to city center, and moins cher! I will miss the people at the guest house, who have been so kind and helpful, and miss figuring out the taxi-bus and taxi-moto systems. alas...

in the last two days, I've visited three memorial sites. the first was the kigali memorial centre (the main genocide site) and the other two were outside of the city but still in ville de kigali province. the two experiences were very different from each other; I'm not really able to describe it. one thing that I've noted immediately is that I did not react in the way that I thought I would/should. but mct made a good point: I have been more upset by seeing the situation that street children live in (from afar, of course). a living, breathing, begging reminder of the aftermath of the genocide. it's unsettling to confront the reality of the genocide each day. but that's why I'm here. a woman who runs a ngo focused on helping clothe, feed, and school street children has befriended me (in the addis ababa airport, nonetheless). I look forward to seeing the work that she does. these are the kind of issues that make me reconsider life as an academic.

a walk about city centre

today, I left the guest house shortly after breakfast to journey to city centre and get familiarized with the area. sunday is a good day for doing so, as there aren't many people about doing busy. mind you, this doesn't mean that there was no one out; I had plenty of muzungu stares. visited the office of tourism (am thinking about writing a paper on trauma tourism here) and an excellent bookshop (where both of my advisor's books are on sale, in addition to many others on the genocide). basically, lots of walking, lots of stares. was able to negotiate the public taxi-bus system on my own, which was great. of course, I had some help figuring out the kinyarwanda words for locations. tomorrow: gisozi genocide memorial.

bag and babies

today had two really great things about it: one, silas (my friend aloys's brother) and I went to the airport et voila! mon sac est arrive! now, I can go back to the guest house, wash these clothes that I've been wearing, and put on clean ones. wow!

two: just went to a baby naming ceremony. gathering of the family to propose names. I proposed patience. she is named onella.

have to run, as my time at the internet cafe is almost up! tomorrow: more brainstorming for research!

je suis la

hello from kigali, where the local time is 8:23pm. this won't be a long message, as it has taken me five minutes to get to this page in the first place. but I wanted to let everyone know that I have arrived. while I am safe, my luggage is another story. the flight from jfk to london was delayed by an hour, I had to run through too many hoops to get my ethiopian connection, and therefore, my bag wasn't on the flight. hopefully, it will arrive in the next day or so.

after a long afternoon of exchanging money and getting a mobile with the help of my friend aloys's brother silas, I am full of poisson grillee and ready to go back to the guesthouse. kigali is expensive and I'm trying to get my head around everything that I need to do right now. research, wow, I don't even know where to begin. but soon enough.

for those of you who have any interest my mobile number is 250 03013105. I don't expect many calls, but just in case...

until the next time, when I will hopefully not be wearing the same clothes...

two days and counting...

I am sitting in a coffee shop in the park slope neighborhood of brooklyn, attempting to get my head around the rwanda trip. I just spent the weekend at vassar for my 5th year reunion (which requires a series of posts on its own, though that may never get done). when talking about 'what I was up to,' this impending trip would come up. although I've said the words 'I am going to Rwanda' hundreds of times, I don't know if I actually believe it yet myself. I have sent a number of emails, confirmed my reservation at the auberge that I'll be staying in in kigali, and taken care of other of things in preparation for rwanda. my bag has been packed for days now. but yet, I have to sit down and really think about the trip. perhaps a bit of lunch will help fuel these thoughts. a run will definitely be necessary later this afternoon.

mixed emotions in anticipation of the trip are markers of taking on any new adventure. at least, this is what I'm telling myself right now.