reconciling my two lives

okay, that sounds a bit manic, a bit like I still have two lives, a bit like I'm trying to hold on to the london existence after my return to the states. trust me, this is not the case; I learned my lesson last autumn. it is not possible to have two lives or even try to pretend that this is possible because, after all, you have to exist wholly in one or the other and the one that you get stuck with is usually the one that you are physically located in.

so, two lives...what am I trying to say here? what I'm trying to get at is my desire/need to continue my period of growth that I discovered in 2005 london while being in present chicago/soon-to-be kingsley. all in all, I am not expecting this to be all that difficult because I want it to happen/continue badly. nevertheless, meeting up with chicago friends, considering spaces in which to live, and thinking of employment here makes me think that it may be more difficult/challenging than I have thus far anticipated. how much of our lives is shaped by our environment and routines and how much of it is shaped by our spirits/drive/ambition/desires?

thus far, being back to chicago/the states/the midwest has been okay. perhaps that is too bland of a word to fully describe it; perhaps I'm a bit overwhelmed subconsciously to really articulate just what it feels like to be in this space at a different time in my life. I'm looking more towards september and october to give me a better read on how I feel about this return. but on the eve of returning to the hometown, a place that I haven't spent a significant amount of time for many years, that's all the colour I can give to my first few days. the next few weeks will prove interesting, both academically and familially, two areas that I have never really had to negotiate as they rather the points at which I depart from and to the other. a growing experience, nonetheless, and one that will hopefully prove to be fruitful.

with only a bit more time before meeting up with yet another chicago friend, I haven't the time to reflect on london people and my london. even if I had the time, I don't think that I am yet able to do so. but within the next few weeks, I will.

I hope that this finds you all well, wherever you are.