eee gads

I have been in the fair village of kingsley for ten days and I've yet to write one smidgen about my reaction to being home/further reactions about being in the states. something is amiss. that something is my dissertation, but I'll go into that in a bit.

my most significant, though hardly insightful, observation about being home: it is both weird and comfortable at the same time. not that I haven't had this sensation in previous trips home from the vass or chicago, but after this year and not being back to k-town, as my hometown is commonly referred to by persons of the high school age, for a year and a half, the distance between the life I once lived here and my life as it currently is greater than before. despite this distance and the drama that my family seems to generate, it is good to feel (somewhat) at home in a space.

one poignant moment this past weekend highlighted just how little I reference myself back to my growing up in kingsley. during several conversations with different classmates, the "I haven't seen you since high school" comment was made. granted, this was only seven years ago, but I haven't thought of my life in such terms in such a long time that it kind of struck me. people that I grew up with still are marking their lives (to some extent) by the time that has passed since high school. bizarre.

this past saturday was augustfest, kingsley's summer festival. jessica and I both had fond memories of previous augustfests and were pumped to be back for the 'big' celebration. such enthusiasm amplified the shock that we both had when we realized just how small augustfest is. additionally, I was continuously amazed by things about our downtown: just how close it is to our house (in comparison to my sisters and I moaning about not getting driven downtown when we were younger); the trash cans attached to the lampposts; how few people there are in our town, though there seem to be so many houses, et cetera. the parade of augustfest garnered some classic photos, several which will be posted upon my return to chicago. after the pork burger dinner in the park (sponsored by the community club) and hanging out a bit with annie and carina, jessica and I went to the street dance. the events of this evening definitely garner an 'eee gads.' in some ways, it was a good thing for jess and I to get out of dodge and see our itty bitty sisters in minnesota for the next two days. but all in all, augustfest was the perfect amount of kingsley in one dose.

so now I'm sitting about kingsley trying to balance dissertating and family time. family time, against my best intentions, definitely has a greater chunk of my life as of yet. it is only when I come home and need to run on a schedule and be very selfish with my time that I realize just how many family members that I have. another 'eee gads.' it's grand and all, but dissertating is about to become the main activity of my life and I don't know how I will feel about that, especially with issac (ie most precious child in our house) about. but if this doesn't happen, I may very well have some sort of anxiety of attack as there is so much about photography and genocide in my brain and not yet on paper.

being back in the states is still weird, but has only become more difficult in my realization that I have no immediate plans to leave this country. 'eee gads.' something about those plans may have to change to give me some sense of not being closed in. perhaps a doctorate program? some traveling? who knows what will actually pan out, but something must.

so that my friends is a somewhat brief overview of my last week or so. I will likely not write again until I'm back to chicago. my apologies for being a bit shite in being in contact with anyone in the states and anyone abroad, for that matter. kingsley causes me to hole up a bit. I'll get back on track once this dissertation is out of my head. love to all.