always thinking.

so, I suppose that I've finished a year of my ph.d. program. I say I suppose because it doesn't really feel like it in many ways. I realize that I'm done when I can sleep in ridiculously late and sit in a coffee shop blogging and doing sudoku while listening to french news online. I'm not really soaking in the sense of being done with the year as I am ever thinking and planning for my time in rwanda, which will begin in two short weeks. holy shite.

the interim time means time in chicago, time with mct, time with friends, time reintegrating my head into french, time thinking about my 'research' in rwanda, time finalizing details for reunion. I love 'my work.' I think about it all the time. I just don't always know if I can break the mold of who I am as a person to do this. I want to be. I just don't know if, at the core, I am this person. I'm hoping these seven weeks are a reminder of why I study what I study, of why going away is something that I make a staple of my studies/career. I'm scared that it won't make me realize this. but I can't anticipate this. I have to let it happen. I have to just be. (I'm not always very good at that.)