there is no title for this entry.

I have no idea of how to define what I may or may not say right now, so I'm not even going to set out any preconceived structure with a title. it has none. stream of consciousness, here goes.

after a frustrating morning of wanting to write but not being able to (it's not like I'm trying to do anything creative here, so why the full exploitation of avoidance tactics?), I actually spent time putting myself together in order to escape the 'I'm-nothing-but-a-person-attached-to-a-computer' feeling that had been dragging me down since wednesday night. had a lovely coffee with flora (so good to have her back from budapest) and did a bit of nothing before meeting amy for a longer night than I had expected. it was what I needed. dinner, wine, and this really f*ed show called 'tropicana,' which was set in an old part of the underground system and involved showgirls, a pineapple, a faux autopsy, some mad scientists, and cucumber/butter sandwiches during the reception/interval. thank god that stella was available from the hearst; the edge of not understanding any of the the symbols (I assume that the piece was symbolic of something(s)) was relieved just a bit. we then had wine with italian friends and, after some other bits and bobs, ended up paying 20p to use the toilet in burger king (ie stainless steel heaven) and getting ice cream cones from mcdonalds. (my first time in a mcdo since leaving the states in september.)

now I'd like to be sitting here working on my brit imperialism as a civilizing mission paper, but that is not going to happen as this place is manic with people scurrying about finishing papers. without a pc in sight, I'm going to have to go back to the flat, grab amy's laptop, and find some space where I can actually write.

in addition, I'm making a pledge to myself to stop doing certain things that I know that I shouldn't. what good are these actions to me? they're not. and damn it, I'm not about to put myself into any toxic mindframe on my own.

all right homies, I've got to get out of new cross. the oval and hopes of productivity call. thank god I enjoy academia on some level. otherwise, this would be torturous.

ps to my vassar folk: happy founder's day weekend! (it will be my first absence since 1999. sad day!)